Writtings

Untitled

How is it that your still here? You should have been disposed of like the rest of them, yet some how your heart still beats. Why? How can this be? The others were easy. A quick blow to the head, or clean slice across the throat and the deed was done. The bodies were buried, the blood moped up and it was over. I was then free to continue on, without the slightest care or remorse for what i had done. carry on in search of the next fool that too belived they could love me.

BUT YOU! You are different, you do not scream or cry out in pain as your heart is being riped from your very body. O you weep, just as the ones before you have wept, but only you continue to weep when the others would of long begain to beg for their lives.

I stab your heart a million times, all is done in vain. The satisfaction i've recieved from the others, hearing them scream and wail as they curse my very existance, does not come. You claim that if my love for you has really died than I must let you join it. Yet some how i can't do it. I could crush you at any moment, but I do not. I stab and i stab, cutting away the parts that make you you and then when you think your on your last breath, I stop.

I CAN NOT DO IT! Why?! Why can't I? What makes you so different? What makes me fear your destruction? Perhaps it is that somewhere deep inside my blackened soul there is still love for you. A part of me that still yerns for the warmth of your touch, but then there is the other part. The part of me that yerns for the warmth of your spilled blood.

State of Dream? - Dec.29.04

Ever wake up knowing that everything is perfect? Your not tired, your full of energy and the sun is shining just for you. Your room is clean, your clothes are washed. Your job is great. Its steady, easy work and keeps lots of money in your pocket. Your son is always smiling and seeing the joy on his face you just can't help but smile to. You have a perfect boyfriend, he loves you, "We're gonna get married someday!" he says.

But then you wake up. For real this time.

Its raining out. You can barley lift your head. Your exhausted and dizzy. You trip and nearly break your neck as you stumble over the pile of junk on the floor, hoping theres something clean to wear. You call your work to see if you can get your job back. You can barely hear him say the positions been fill over the screaming of your son. He wont be comforted. He just wants to scream and scream because you wont let him play with the ash tray. Your close to exploding. You get up to call your boyfriend, he'll make everything better. You start to dial the number, but you stop, hang up and begin to cry as you remember your perfect boyfriend has giving up on you and left for Australia.

Welcome to my life..............

Shattered Remnants - 01/14/05

First love, true love.
Who could ask for more?
Less my heart be broken.
Shattered remnants on the floor.

Everything was perfect.
I could not ask for more.
But than my heart was broken.
Shattered remnants on the floor.

When my news was broken,
you headed for the door,
and me with my heart broken,
shattered remnants on the floor.

Blessed bouncing baby boy.
Who could ask for more?
Forgot my heart was broken.
Forget remnants on the floor.

And then my love returned to me,
I could not ask for more!
No longer heart was broken.
No more remnants on the floor.

But blue skies turn gray,
along with talk of amour.
My heart will not be broken.
Shatter his remnants on the floor.

So now his heart is broken,
and I become a whore.
But now my heart is shattered.
So many pieces on the floor.

I must be wearing camouflage,
for no one sees my pain.
Tho the sun may fill the sky,
in my heart it rains.