I dont think im gonna use this journal anymore. I made a new one , you can
view it at http://www.livejournal.com/users/flyingjellybean/
Dec/15/04 - 2:00am
Insomia strikes again. My tormention has no end. Hmmm, Life
is pissing me off as normal. " I'm so lonesome I could cry." Why must everyone toy with me? Do they not
understand that I have emotions too? I feel this pain just as much as you do.
Nov/11/04
IM GETTING OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE!!!!
oct/24/04
i dont deserve the air i breath.
Oct./12/04 - 9:35 am
I hate myself. Im the most horrible creature to ever walk the earth. I tried to kill myself
last night. I dont want to live anymore. I dont want to live wihtout you. I got close couldnt do it tho.
Travis woke up. I made myself throw up the pills. Im weak. I really dont feel good. Im a fucking
idiot.
Aug/26/04 - 7:18 pm
Another day and Im still alive.....someone has
a horrible sence of humor. Discovered I can't put anything I dont want my family to know on here since my sister has
stumbled apone it.
I beg of you someone kill me.
July/05/04 - 1:37 am
He wont let me sleep. I'm so tired to...evil child...hes so cute tho. He just lays
there laughing at me.
On a lighter note my kilt fits me now!!! yay!
July/01/04- 4:19 pm
Theres way to much fucking noise in this world.
Why can't everyone just shut up for a few minutes a day? Fucking TV's always on, the A/c fucking rattleing away, Travis
screaming. Then if you go out side the fucking soccor fans driving up and down the street hanging out of there windows screaming
and honking the horn... I hate soccor season.
May/03/02 - 4:43 pm
WOW! Im really behind in writing crap here. But than everydays practicly
the same so not much to write about. I can't wait until Travis grows up and I can get a life back... I'll be old by than and
probably won't want to do anything tho. I basicly sit around at home all day trying to sleep in as late as I can or
go see dan. Seeing my boyfriend is the only thing I got to look forward to.
I'm starting to doubt weither or not I want to go back to school. Im so fucking
tired now and i use to be exhasuted after getting home from school so add that together and it'll just be fucking hell for
me. Or if I do it'll probably just be part time, cause as much as he stesses me out I can't stand being away from travis
that long. Plus with him in a daycare I'd be worrying constantly about how they're treating him.
I can't stand living here anymore. I wanna be with dan. He dosn't get to
see Travis enough and I'm worried that hes gonna miss something big like Travis walking or somthing like that.
April/22/04 - 1:42 am.
Yuck! Baby drool! Travis is drooling all over me! but hes to cute to be mad at.
He's 2 months old now, time is sure flying. Hes such a bright kid too.
Im bored with myself, Im going to go dye my hair a dark brown or somthing and get
my tounge pirced. My boyfriend thinks that ill pass out from it but I highly doubt that cuz my friend that is more sqimish
than me got it done and it didn't bother her at all.
Ah I actually miss going to school. I need the interaction.
Mar./15/04 - 5:14 pm.
Ive' added the time for your reading enjoyment.... like any reads this but
still. But yes night feedings suck ass. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and early morning. very tireing. but
any ways, holy crap Travis is freaking huge! My friends sister had a baby and shes 2 weeks older than Travis but hes like
twice her size. and hes not fat, just really long.
I want it to be warm!!! so I can take travis out in his stroller cuz Im tired of
being in the house all the time!
My life is even duller now I cant even think of one interesting thing to put.
Mar/06/04
Travis Daniel Waterman born February 19 at 11:59 am weighing 8lbs. 14 oz
hes so beautiful!!
Feb/19/04
Currently 5 am. I am so fucking tired but I can't sleep because I've been having
regular contractions since 3 o'clock. They're 10 minutes apart and only last about 30 seconds right now. They're
not getting any closer together tho, and I'm not supose to go to the hospital til they're 5 minutes apart so I think
I got awhile to wait yet.
I'm still not even sure on a name yet! I should probably ask the father.
Im sure he wants a say in what its named. Last time I asked him he said Helix. It's a cool name but I can't see
myself calling it that.
Fuck I can't stop eating these cinimen hearts! I dont even like cinimen hearts!
but there's a bowl of them infront of me and I cna't stop picking at them!
Feb/08/04
I think Im becoming a nymphomaniac.
Feb/06/04
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I AM SO FUCKING BORED!! and I fucking hate this chair the freaking
back is broken so I have nothing to lean against and it fucking lowers by itself!!! Ive been sitting at home all week
I have nothing to do! For like the past 2 weeks the only reason I left the house was baby related. I have
no life anymore... its rather quite sad if you ask me.
I figure the babys going to be born with in the next week and a half, but if not
then, Then its gonna be after the due date. Thats just what I think tho. I should start a poll on this maybe I
could make some money. lol
I need some strawberrys or somthing, wanna make a smoothie....Im really bored so Im just
gonna ramble about shit....now I can't think of anything to ramble about...hmm Theres no one online....at least noone
thats talking to me.... this is boring Im probably gonna sit here all night and hope that someone interesting comes online.
Or maybe Ill just go to a chat room and fuck with some people.... I havn't done that for a long time.
I should probably go do laundry cuz I got nothing to wear besides what I got on
right now. AH I can't wait until I can wear my old clothes again. O the selection!
Feb/02/04
No more school for me until next year! Went and made it all "legal".
So now I have nothing to do for the next 3 weeks or so.... I still have alot of crap I need to buy like a crib
for one, diaper pail, baby thermometer .. thats a must... could use some more clothes, but I have no money for it! Tried
to get on welfare but I can't cuz I still live with my dad and hes supose to be able to pay for everything but he can't so
Im fucked for the time being.
I wanna try and move out to this place for young single mothers cuz then Ill be
able to get welfare and it would be alot better cuz I don't want my kid growing up in this dump and if I stay here it'll most
likly get taking away from me anyways. So yeah 2 bedroom pre-furnished apartment dosn't sound to bad to me!
But they better allow pets cuz I don't wanna have to leave my cat. :( But yes I need to look into that soon.
Jan/30/04
Yay I got a puppy purse! lol went to value village yeserday then hung around
at subway til midnight. haha that was fun we got to throw pickles at the wall! Then I had my belly rubbed by the guy
that works there for like 2 hours straight.....that was kinda creepy....but yes I need to get laid.
Jan/27/04
Someone please kill me now! I am in so much fucking pain! My back fucking
hurts and my boobs are fucking sore. This whole thing is so frustrating!!!! I just want to hurry up and have this kid
already.
I feel so alone.
Jan/23/04
Had a ultra sound today. Its back to being head down but it'll probably flip
back around again. Lol Its got a lot of hair already. and i got to see it yawn!!! : )
Jan/22/04
Went to the doctors to day. The lil shit turned around again back into a breech
postion. So yes I get to have another ultra sound tomorrow, then monday I get to go in for a manual turning ....
much fun! And if that dosn't work Im gonna have to have a c-section! So yes this will be fun!
Jan/21/04
People need to learn to mind their own fucking business! I had to sit through
a fucking 2 hour lecture yesterday about how Im ruining my life, should of had an abortion, Im just gonna fuck up the kids
life too, I should put it up for adoption cuz theres lots of people out there that deserve a kid but can't have one and that
can give it a way better home then me, blah blah blah etc. etc. GO TO FUCKING HELL!! I want
my baby. I'm not a fucking farm poping out kids for who ever wants them! Sure theres lots of people out
there that deserve a kid but there not gonna get it from me.
Stupid bitch thinks she knows everything thats going on. Apparently I don't
give a shit about any of this and Im not doing anything to get ready ... for the past 4 months Ive been reading crap non stop
and stocking up on baby crap! Before that I was still trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do about it!
O yes and my family is going to hate me for this and not want me around anymore..... I highly fucking doubt that. They'll
probably get extremly tired of the baby but there not going to hate me and not want me around.... and even if there was the
slightest chance that that did happen there not gonna kick me out with a baby!
She just kept going on and on. I just sat there wishing her head would emplode!
Jan/20/04
At school right now with *drum roll please* SABRINA!!! I have spare and theres
only one more day for school this term so theres nothing to do. The seminar went horrible!!! I completely forgot what I
was going to say and it only came to 15 minutes!! I worked all fucking weekend and it only came to 20 god damned minutes!!!!!
Got MORE baby crap from my aunt... I appreciate it but ahh im running out of room to
put it! 5 more weeks tomorrow. Shit this is going fast, pretty soon I'll be holding my baby! ... Im actually getting
excited about it now. Probably cuz Im seriously tired of being pregnant and I want to dress it up in all the baby clothes I
got! And I want to go show it off.
I've decided that Im going to go camping in the summer! I want to go to long
point again. I love it there. It's got such a beautiful beach and I love camping and swimming! Now all I
need to do is find some person old enough to rent the campsite. Im getting hopes all up and it'll probably turn out
that I don't go so 'll be all dissapointed! o well!
10 more minutes then I have to go class and sit through other peoples oring seminars....
O JOY!!!
Jan/17/04
I am being bombarded with baby crap! A month and a half to go and my room
is already full of freaking diapers! But on lighter news I now have a parking pass for the mall so I can park in the
expecting mother spaces! ... now if only I had a car.
I should be doing my seminar right now but its to fucking boring... I need to get
out of the house but Im broke so theres not much I could do at the moment.
I need a poutine...
Jan/15/04
Didn't go to school today again.... no one woke me up... well actually my sister
did but I just didn't pay any attention to her. So yeah basicly slept til noon then my room got hot so I had to
get up.
I really need to get to work on my seminar i have to do on monday. Its on smoking....
i picked a stupid topic but i was in a hurry and we had to sign up for somthing so i just picked the first thing that poped
into my head. Im going to fail that class anyways i dont know why im even bothering but its worth like 15% of our mark
and im on the edge of failing right now so if i dont do this theres no point in me showing up for my exam, cuz id have to
get almost prefect on it in order to pass. I doubt im going to pass my accounting class either cuz i missed so much and i
am completely lost so thats not looking to good. Ill probably only pass one class which can make up for the one i failed
last year, so basicly this whole year has been a waste of my time.
I'm so stressed out about everything. I've actually started smoking again, which
isn't the best thing for me to be doing right now but it keeps me from having a nervous break down. Normally I'd just
go shopping to relive my stress but thats become rather depressing cuz all of the clothes i want wont fit me so i feel like
a cow, and theres no point in buying stuff that'll fit me now cuz i've only got a month and a half to go and i am seriously
sick of buying baby crap. Never thought i'd actually say that cuz baby clothes is so cute but im sick of it and id rather
buy somthing for myself.
I'm still debating weither to write my mom now and tell her or just send her
a picture of the kid after its born .... I should probably do it now cuz she most likely has a closet full of baby junk and
i could always use more stuff . Heh i don't even know where the hell she is. Havn't talked to her for about 3 or 4 years.
I can't wait for all this crap to be over. I'd like to get some where back to my
original wieght, if possible... but i doubt i will for a long time cuz im like going into instant couch potato mode as soon
as this kid is born and I'll probably stay there til im done feeling sorry for my fat ass and decide i want to be skinny again,
so i dont know how long that'll be.
wow that was kinda long ... probably wont have anything to say for a while now
Jan/14/04
*yay* only a few more days of school left for me then Im done until next
year! Im probably going to go insane staying home looking after a baby but somebodys got to do it and its not like Im
going to have a life anymore anyways. And I figure my whole dating life is over anyways cuz yeah Im 16, Im gonna have
a kid and if that dosn't scare them away my body will sure do the trick. I've completely lost my figure and I highly
doubt Ill get it back afterwards. Im covered in stretch marks and my ass and my boobs have decided to sag!
grossed out yet? yes so if you know anyone that wants a fat, saggy zebra with a baby let me know. I'll probably end
up with some sweaty fat bald guy... o yes the future looks promising for me!
Jan/10/04
I'm so fucking confused!!!!! On new years me and my now ex had a huge fight and
he told me that I ruined any chance of us getting back together and then last night we went to the bar and he kissed
me and told me that he loved me. So now Im all confused about whats going on! I had a really hard time not crying
after he kissed me cuz I still really love him.
Jan/09/04
I am so tired of being pregnant!!!! I can't stand wearing trackpants and sweaters anymore.
I just wanna be able to fit into my old clothes again. And now I shall bitch about my back pain.... IT FUCKING HURTS!!!
It hasn't bothered me up until like 2 weeks ago then it like all hits me at once. The kid freaking kicks non stop so
I havn't had a full night sleep forever plus I think Im becoming insomnic cuz I can't sleep even when its not
moving. but yes only 6 more weeks of this, less if Im lucky!
Jan/05/04
yeah decided to start a journal on here cuz I got bored with my other one
and crap. Probably not going to up date this one either but now instead of having to go to another site to read about my boring
life its all right here in one neat little package!
